Optimistic?

Leaders are supposed to look on the bright side, accentuate the positive, and inspire the troops. In “The Dark Side of Optimism” The Conference Board Review (January/February 2008) Susan Webber explains why positive thinking has become over-emphasized, raising barriers to realistic, objective assessment. While she may be exaggerating the pro-positive slant of current management practice, she is on solid ground in warning about the dangers of excessive optimism. She makes several recommendations to encourage cognitively healthy behavior:

• Senior management must take deliberate, concerted measures to signal that it is less interested in boosting morale than in the cold, hard truth
  
• Never shoot the messenger; show interest in the downside and the upside
  
• Shake up habits and procedures (scenario planning can help)
  
• Establish a house skeptic.

Jim Collins in his book Good To Great, describes what he calls The Stockdale Paradox (Chapter 4, pages 83–85). In an interview with Admiral Stockdale, Collins asked him to describe how he survived the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp for eight years during the Vietnam War. Here is what Stockdale said:

“I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

“Who didn’t make it out”?

“The optimists. They were the ones who said ‘we’re going to be out by Christmas’. And, Christmas would come and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. Then they died of a broken heart.”

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Take Away: You have to believe that you will come through all this. You must do everything you can to make that happen. But never let your belief cloud your confrontation with reality.

Survival…

The book Deep Survival: who lives, who dies and why, by Laurence Gonzales, asks the question: why do some people survive dangerous situations and when other people don’t? The author spends most of his time telling riveting survival stories: plane crashes, mountain climbing accidents, people lost in the woods - all page turners. But the real value Gonzales also pulls out of these incidents is this nugget: people that survive abandon their mental models of the world and open their eyes. They don’t try to force the world to be a certain way: instead they respond to the situation with a new mind set, taking it to be what it is, and working within the real world to survive and even thrive.

According to Gonzales, here are some of the key elements of what survivors do:

Perceive and believe: Survivors see opportunity, even good, in their situation, however grim. After the ordeal is over, people may be surprised to hear them say it was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Stay Calm, Use Anger Productively: In the initial crisis, survivors are not ruled by fear; instead, they make use of it. Their fear often feels like (and turns into) anger, which motivates them and makes them feel sharper.

Think, Analyze, and Plan: Survivors quickly organize, set up routines, and institute discipline.

Take Correct, Decisive Action: Survivors are willing to take risks to save themselves and others. But they are simultaneously bold and cautious in what they will do.

Celebrate Success: Survivors take great joy from even their smallest successes. This helps keep motivation high and prevents a lethal plunge into hopelessness.

Be a Rescuer, Not a Victim: Survivors are always doing what they do for someone else, even if that someone is thousands of miles away.

Enjoy the Journey: It may seem counter-intuitive, but even in the worst circumstances, survivors find something to enjoy, some way to play and laugh.

Believe That You Will Succeed: A survivor's will to live becomes firmly fixed on the belief that, no matter what happens, they will come through the crisis.

Do Whatever Is Necessary: Survivors have a reason to live and are willing to bet everything on themselves.

Never Give Up: Survivors are not easily discouraged by setbacks. When they fall, they pick themselves up and start again.

The present economic difficulties magnify the importance of these rules.

Potential...

Harvard Business Review published an article entitled Reaching Your Potential by Robert S. Kaplan in the July-August 2008 issue.

He urges all of us to seize control of our careers so that we are no longer the victims of what happens to us in the workplace, but rather the person in charge. How can you become the CEO of your career?

Kaplan suggests that we take three specific actions:

• Know yourself.

Start by understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Then, look at what you truly enjoy doing. This exercise can help you center your career on employment experiences that will enable you to perform that kind of work every single day. If you do that, even a bad day at work won’t compare to a good day doing something you can’t stand.

• Excel at critical tasks.

Take the time to identify the three or four activities in your job that make the greatest contribution to the success of your employer, even if that’s you. Then, focus your energy and talent as much as possible on doing those tasks and on doing them as well as you can all of the time.

• Demonstrate character and leadership.

Set yourself apart by excelling at your own work and by practicing good teamwork. Figure out what you can do to help your team and organization be successful and then do it. Almost every organization wants people who are willing to step forward and see their job as greater than the specific tasks identified by the job description.

Every August...

Each year in August since 1998, Beloit College in Wisconsin compiles a list of ideas and objects the entering class of students has grown up with and that have shaped their worldview and cultural mindset. This list is known as The Beloit College Mindset List.

The results are both useful and sobering for anyone over 30. And, while is it supposedly not designed to make anyone feel old, I can’t help by feel that way as I read it every year!

So here is the entire list for the entering college class of 2009 who will graduate in 2012:

The class of 2012 has grown up in an era where computers and rapid communication are the norm, and colleges no longer trumpet the fact that residence halls are “wired” and equipped with the latest hardware. These students will hardly recognize the availability of telephones in their rooms since they have seldom utilized landlines during their adolescence. They will continue to live on their cell phones and communicate via texting. Roommates, few of whom have ever shared a bedroom, have already checked out each other on Facebook where they have shared their most personal thoughts with the whole world.

It is a multicultural, politically correct and “green” generation that has hardly noticed the threats to their privacy and has never feared the Russians and the Warsaw Pact.

Students entering college for the first time this fall were generally born in 1990.

For these students, Sammy Davis Jr., Jim Henson, Ryan White, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Freddy Krueger have always been dead.

1. Harry Potter could be a classmate, playing on their Quidditch team.
2. Since they were in diapers, karaoke machines have been annoying people at parties.
3. They have always been looking for Carmen Sandiego.
4. GPS satellite navigation systems have always been available.
5. Coke and Pepsi have always used recycled plastic bottles.
6. Shampoo and conditioner have always been available in the same bottle.
7. Gas stations have never fixed flats, but most serve cappuccino.
8. Their parents may have dropped them in shock when they heard George Bush announce “tax revenue increases.”
9. Electronic filing of tax returns has always been an option.
10. Girls in head scarves have always been part of the school fashion scene.
11. All have had a relative--or known about a friend's relative--who died comfortably at home with Hospice.
12. As a precursor to “whatever,” they have recognized that some people “just don’t get it.”
13. Universal Studios has always offered an alternative to Mickey in Orlando.
14. Grandma has always had wheels on her walker.
15. Martha Stewart Living has always been setting the style.
16. Haagen-Dazs ice cream has always come in quarts.
17. Club Med resorts have always been places to take the whole family.
18. WWW has never stood for World Wide Wrestling.
19. Films have never been X rated, only NC-17.
20. The Warsaw Pact is as hazy for them as the League of Nations was for their parents.
21. Students have always been "Rocking the Vote.”
22. Clarence Thomas has always sat on the Supreme Court.
23. Schools have always been concerned about multiculturalism.
24. We have always known that “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”
25. There have always been gay rabbis.
26. Wayne Newton has never had a mustache.
27. College grads have always been able to Teach for America.
28. IBM has never made typewriters.
29. Roseanne Barr has never been invited to sing the National Anthem again.
30. McDonald’s and Burger King have always used vegetable oil for cooking french fries.
31. They have never been able to color a tree using a raw umber Crayola.
32. There has always been Pearl Jam.
33. The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno and started at 11:35 EST.
34. Pee-Wee has never been in his playhouse during the day.
35. They never tasted Benefit Cereal with psyllium.
36. They may have been given a Nintendo Game Boy to play with in the crib.
37. Authorities have always been building a wall across the Mexican border.
38. Lenin’s name has never been on a major city in Russia.
39. Employers have always been able to do credit checks on employees.
40. Balsamic vinegar has always been available in the U.S.
41. Macaulay Culkin has always been Home Alone.
42. Their parents may have watched The American Gladiators on TV the day they were born.
43. Personal privacy has always been threatened.
44. Caller ID has always been available on phones.
45. Living wills have always been asked for at hospital check-ins.
46. The Green Bay Packers (almost) always had the same starting quarterback.
47. They never heard an attendant ask “Want me to check under the hood?”
48. Iced tea has always come in cans and bottles.
49. Soft drink refills have always been free.
50. They have never known life without Seinfeld references from a show about “nothing.”
51. Windows 3.0 operating system made IBM PCs user-friendly the year they were born.
52. Muscovites have always been able to buy Big Macs.
53. The Royal New Zealand Navy has never been permitted a daily ration of rum.
54. The Hubble Space Telescope has always been eavesdropping on the heavens.
55. 98.6 F or otherwise has always been confirmed in the ear.
56. Michael Millken has always been a philanthropist promoting prostate cancer research.
57. Off-shore oil drilling in the United States has always been prohibited.
58. Radio stations have never been required to present both sides of public issues.
59. There have always been charter schools.
60. Students always had Goosebumps.

Copyright © 2008 - Beloit College

A Great Read

Take five minutes to read this insightful June 5th WSJ article by Robert A. Guth. It outlines how Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer made their relationship work and how they have handled the delicate transition of power as Gates steps down from Microsoft June 27. This article is an insightful look at succession and finding the right second in command.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121261241035146237.html

Questions

Recently I took a trip that included a stop at one of my “alma maters”, Radford University. Over twenty years ago, I spent two years there doing graduate work in Industrial /Organizational Psychology.

The fun part of the visit was walking around campus. It seems a bit smaller and it has changed so much - but so have I. I was flooded by the memories of great people and good times.

More important, I started thinking, “if I could meet the young man I was for coffee, what questions could I answer for him?” Certainly, I tell him to take more risks and don’t play it so conservatively. And, geez, have more fun.

Then I started thinking, “What if today, I could have lunch with the man I will become 20 years from now? What advice would he give me?”

Would he tell me that it was worth all the effort? Would he tell me to take more time to enjoy it all? What advise could he give me about my two step-sons?

If you could go back 20 years, what advice would you give yourself?

I'm lucky...

Yes, it's Valentine’s Day, And while some people seem a bit jaded by the whole thing, I think it's a great time to tell my wife how much I love her.

You see, I'm really lucky. This is my second marriage (second time was a charm for me) and I could not ask for more.

Now, being a Corporate Shrink, I'm usually give advice about business related issues. But today, I'm turning my attention to affairs of the heart. And the best advice I've ever read about great relationships comes from Mark Goulston, MD.

His Blog (http://www.markgoulston.com/blog/) ran a great piece on relationships.

Here it is:

1. Go to bed at the same time. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn't wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it's common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it's more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can't resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of "good touch" (loved), "bad touch" (abused) and "no touch" (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the "good touch," which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say "I love you" and "Have a good day" every morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say "Good night" every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a "weather" check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact -- hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit...and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don't despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

(c) 2008 Mark Goulston