But we can spark people and push them in the right direction.
1. How do you ask for things? Are you vague? Do you make assumptions? Do you use “we” too often? "We" is good to use except when you are trying to get someone to take direct accountability. Then the use of “we” allows the other person to NOT take the accountability.
2. Make sure you remove judgment but hold the person accountable for their part.
3. Candidly step back and see the lesson you want learned and take a good look at whether you are hindering or helping the problem. This is best done through a series of questions.
Here is an example many parents can relate to: Your teenager not turning in their work.
- What is the worst that will happen if I do nothing and let her fail?
- If I take control and check on her work and assignments what lesson will she learn?
- If I take something away, like TV, time with friends, what message will that teach?
- How hard will it be for me to let her fail?
- How will I handle that and why will it be difficult for me?
4. Go through each option with the other person so they OWN the result. Let them continue to walk through and handle each situation. Ask them to set the punishment if they do not follow through and the reward if they do. Then stick to it.
